I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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