Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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