ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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