I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
