I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
