Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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