i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
