my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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