the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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