I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
