we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
