Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
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