No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
