i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
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20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
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I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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