I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
