i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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