Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
