He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
