the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
