Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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