FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
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We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
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No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.