You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.