Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.