Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
