why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out