My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
21 Sketchy Drug Deals That Are Scary AF
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Two words: blizzard sex
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.