I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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