Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
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hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
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Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.