I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Your penis caused this!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
