I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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