And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
