Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
