You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he fucked my hip out of place.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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