Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
