don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
