That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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