dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
