That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
