If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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