i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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