Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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