The best revenge is premature balding
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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