you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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