I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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