I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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