She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We're too hungover to prance.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
