Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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