So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
