She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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