He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
