I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
