i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
