I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
