oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
