I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
