Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
