I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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