We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
