I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
