The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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