OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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