with your own penis?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize