I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
