and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
