I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
