Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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