well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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