I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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