1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
