some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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