i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Text me some of your sweat
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
