you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
