I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
