the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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