she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
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It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
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Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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