oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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