I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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