I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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