just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You took a bar mat shot.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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