How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
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Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I would fuck him just for his dog
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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