this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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