I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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