I've blown a few things in my day
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
