Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Can you bring me the toilet please
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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