Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
